my soul wont recognize me after tonight
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
