Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
