I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize