Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
