Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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