I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
