I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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