evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I smell stomach acid.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
