no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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