I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
