he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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