yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
