'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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