I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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