Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
