So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
