on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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