i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
