I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
