I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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