i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
