I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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