but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
