is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
