out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
