The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
And then he peed in my hair
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