Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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