if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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