i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
