Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
