She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
