Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
