I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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