ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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