she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
