And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
