I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
