He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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