you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
