There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
