unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
