I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Text me some of your sweat
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
