you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
