I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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