Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
