Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My vagina just recognized that song.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
