i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
