I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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