Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
