Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
