i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
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