Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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