You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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