oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
