He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
